I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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