she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Found the puke drawer
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
