he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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