i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
