Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
