no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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