dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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