chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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