just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
