I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
