I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
