I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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