My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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