he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
