I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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