I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
