I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
