im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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