physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
