I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
