I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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