i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
