the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
