I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
