we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
