FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
