i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
