There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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