I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
