have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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