Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just high enough for therapy.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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