Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry my hands just texted you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
