I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
