u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
