when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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