he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
