I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
