Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
