my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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