Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
