i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
