i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
