I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
