im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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