Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
