Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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