i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
