She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
