apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
