turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
