I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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