Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
